Ok, first off, let me just tell you now. I don't have an answer. I don't know why. All I know, or believe, is surely it doesn't. It can't. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you are no longer an individual person. It doesn't mean you have been wiped clean of all goals and aspirations you once had. It doesn't mean that you lose yourself in motherhood (or it shouldn't).
Just this morning I was talking (texting) a girlfriend who recently left everything here, picking up to move to New York for a Job opportunity at an art gallery. I have another girlfriend who has a job interview this weeks at a very credible, magazine for photography. Yet another girlfriend just sold everything she owned to move out to the west coast. You get the picture.
I had plans too. I was in my last year of college when I got pregnant. I was going to take a year off to move to San Francisco to make big art. A bicycle operated ferris wheel to be exact. I was going to go to burning man and prance (dance?) around the desert scantily dressed. I was going to travel to portland and ride bikes. I was going to join the circus. I was going to ... (fill in the blank here). Most importantly though, I was going to apply to grad school (in some far-away-and-very-cool-land).
Now, let me just say here, that in NO WAY do I regret the way things 'went down', I am madly in love with my son and believe the universe brought everything together at the most perfect time for me. I truly believe that. With all my heart.
However, with that being said, I am not signing over my life for the sake of 'Motherhood'. I am not going to move to the suburbs, buy a minivan and start baking muffins for the jr league of austin (assuming we even have a jr. league). (if this is what you do, I am not telling you it's wrong ... unless of course, it's not what you want to be doing. then, well, let's talk).
I think (know) I just need a little more excitement in my life than that. Perhaps it's time to build a plan- like every week, do something to work towards applying to school.
Then for excitement, maybe try something new every week (or, who am I fooling? ... let's try every month).
For example, Tuesday night I went rollerskating (HOLY COW. IT. WAS. SO. FUN). And, you know what I discovered? That I need my fun to be involving my body (i.e cycling, skating, dancing etc). It is important for me to get physically worn out ... get the endorphins pumping.
(and remember: "working out gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands")
What do you need? I think it's time to figure it out! (this does not apply to only mothers! We all need to take care of ourselves!)
Geez, ok, this post was all over the place.
But, what I'm saying is this:
I need to know that parents are still leading an exciting life (outside of the 'holy shit! he just rolled over!' excitement).
I need to know that parents are still making and accomplishing goals for themselves (and not their children).
So, please, share with me your experience!
thanks for the listening ear. It is always so appreciated