Sometimes while driving home to clean the house, after buying groceries for dinner, when Redding is doing his new carseat-hyperventilating-scream-crying, I just want to yell "I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS LIFE!"
Of course, immediately following that thought I am plagued with a sharp pang of guilt. What kind of ungrateful person could think such a thing about their incredibly fortunate life?
Then of course I spiral down. I don't end up cleaning the house. I do end up turning on the TV. Which causes Redding's brain to become ruined as well as my morale. Oh the guilt.
But, honestly, you should know, that I didn't actually ask for this. Unlike many women who plan out their lives starting with dating, followed by marriage and then children. John and I were not together long when we discovered we were pregnant. Lucky for us though, we were very serious and committed to each other, knowing that we had found our life-partner.
Still though, before the pregnancy, I had in my mind that we would do long distance for a while, so I could see the world, make art and dance til the sun rises every night. Never in my mind did I think, or even consider the possibility that in a year and a half I would be a stay at home mom, a home owner and my biggest decision of the day would be broccoli or brussels sprouts for dinner?
So, it's true I never asked for this life.
However, I should thank the gods that they saw me fit for it anyways. Because, really, what have I asked for that turned out well? (I could give you a list of things that I've taken into my own hands that all turned up in shambles, but I'll spare you that). Let's just say when I take things in my own hands and don't let the universe do it's job of sorting things out for me, I end up pretty miserable. Besides, dancing til the sun comes up gets old REALLY fast. Somehow though, I never seem to tire of picking out a movie on netflix and opening a bottle of wine with my Lover. And, let's be honest, all the carseat-hyperventilating-scream-crying in the world couldn't out weigh the joy of watching my son grow, laugh, and sleep on my chest. This life is pretty damn fantastic.
I never asked for it, but I sure am glad I got it.
p.s. speaking of getting pregnant, wanna see the coolest announcement video EVER? check it out on my friend's blog!